I Did My Public Service. Now I Want To Go Live.

I am SO excited to bring you all this week’s interview! I connected with Desi on Redditt (not her real name or photo—she didn’t feel comfortable sharing identifying details and that is A-OK!) and was immediately intrigued by her journey, and the clarity and humility with which she wrote about it. I love that she went into a male-dominated blue-collar job (I actually mistakenly assumed she was a guy at first—boo to gendered assumptions!) and that she’s happy doing it. Desi’s story serves as a reminder that there are really so many different paths out there for us—and that respect, balance, and rest can be ours, no matter which one we choose. Thank you, Desi!

Introduce yourself! Give us your name, location, number of years you spent teaching, what subject and grade level you taught, and number of years since you’ve left teaching.

My name is Deserie (Desi) and I live in Wisconsin. I was a teacher for 10 years. I taught high school English, 9-12th grade, and it has been 10 months since I left teaching.

What brought you to teaching? Why did you become a teacher?

I was and will always be a “life-long learner.” I loved school and I loved learning. The adults who I looked up to in my life were my teachers, and I was blessed to have some amazing ones enter my life. My English teacher from high school drew this shy, quiet student out with gentle encouragement. I have many fun memories from his English classes, and I knew that I wanted to work in a career where I positively impacted people.

Briefly describe your experience in the classroom. What did you like about it? What did you find challenging or unfulfilling?

My experience in the classroom was rewarding but overwhelming. During my first 3 years, I felt overwhelmed by how much I didn’t know as a teacher.  But I leaned into the discomfort because I knew I was learning and getting better at my craft. 

Years 4-7 were the years I really hit my stride. I made great memories with my classes and made the impact that I wanted to make on people. I liked creating my own curriculum and collaborating with my English colleagues on scope and sequence for the department, and I loved sharing my passion for literature with my students.  

The challenges I faced steadily mounted as politics changed, for the worse in my opinion. I taught for 7 years in a rural, conservative school district and my administration was bending to the wills of the conservative majority in our area. This caused a lot of pain for my LGBTQ students as bullying was rampant at that school and teachers felt powerless to stop it.

Additionally, the school district had racist policies regarding Indigenous students not being able to wear traditional regalia (e.g. beadwork, eagle feathers) to graduation. One student wore an eagle feather in protest and the principal took it from the student before graduation. In that specific culture, it is considered forbidden for a non-Indigenous person to touch an eagle feather. 

As my spouse is Native American and our children are mixed, I decided I couldn’t teach at a school that would cave to racism and LGBTQ bigotry.  

What brought you to the decision to leave teaching? What was the breaking point?

After COVID, student behaviors grew exponentially worse. I knew there would be a regression, but I hoped things would go back to normal a year or so later, once students were socializing with each other again. But it didn’t happen. Technology consumed them. Students became zombies who attended school in their bodies, but their minds and souls were all online. TikTok and Roblox became their teachers, and I knew that I couldn’t compete against the dopamine their brains were getting from the constant stimulation.  

Faced with the impossible situation of teaching a generation of traumatized and disconnected students, I began to develop panic attacks. I felt that I lacked purpose because my students were not engaged in my lessons. Without purpose, nihilism and suicidality set in. I attempted suicide 1 year ago this month and I left the profession a month later.

How did you approach the job search process? What types of roles did you target? What was successful and what was challenging?

Despite being in the depths of a mental health crisis, I tried to be very strategic regarding the jobs I applied to. 

I made a spreadsheet and made myself apply to 3 jobs per day while I was still teaching. I started looking on Indeed and Ziprecruter. My sister works in PR and Marketing and she sent me jobs that she felt I’d have a shot at doing: HR adjacent work, PR and Marketing work, or Communications/Journalism jobs. I have my MFA so I applied to NPR, WCCO (local news station), Twin Cities Live, Target, Menards, Padilla (PR/Ghost Writing for trade magazines), and several public and private universities in the area. 

I didn’t get my first interview until Varsity Tutors responded with an offer. I ended up working with them for 6 weeks and I quit because they were asking me to do things that I felt were unethical. 

Over the summer, I looked more locally for jobs by contacting my state workforce development center and temp agencies. All of them said I was too overqualified to have a good chance at getting jobs in my geographic area (rural and factory-oriented). My husband is a blackjack dealer at a casino and I applied there for any and all positions they had: graphic design, dealer, bartender, hotel room cleaner.  

The challenging part was keeping faith and hope against the constant rejection while my bank account and legitimate fear of eviction was breathing down my neck. Then I saw a job fair for Frito Lays. I attended, had an interview on the spot, and I was hired 2 days later. 

I’m still annoyed at how capricious the job world can be.

What emotions came up for you in leaving teaching? How did you manage and move through these feelings?

I felt major guilt since I left my job mid-year and went on FMLA. I felt that I was letting the students down. I felt fear about the unknown future and major anxiety over being responsible for our financial stability while leaving a career.

I moved through these feelings by devoting my time on FMLA to intensive therapy, self-care, and self-help. Through the transition process, I learned that in addition to depression and anxiety, I have cPTSD from childhood trauma and PTSD from teaching. I learned all about cPTSD and that helped me feel less guilt about the immense anger and distrust I felt towards the school systems, the education system, and even my own former students. I was angry at them for throwing away the education I was providing them. I was angry at society for encouraging anti-intellectualism in public behavior. 

As I am a woman, I was never taught how to express my anger in a healthy way. So I spent a lot of time outside on my homestead screaming my pain into the trees.

What are you currently doing for work? What do you like about your current job?

I am a route sales representative for Frito Lay snack food. I work 45-48 hours per week driving a 20’ box truck to grocery stores like Walmart to deliver and stock potato chips, cookies, dips, and beef jerky. 

After 10 years of being overstimulated and hypervigilant, I like that this job is low-stress and that very little gets in the way of me doing my job. There’s a lot less political and bureaucratic red tape. And they pay me significantly more for far less stress.

Tell us about your first months out of the classroom. What lessons did you learn? What successes did you have? What challenges did you face? What, if anything, would you have done differently?

Immediately after I left teaching, my husband and I purchased 10 acres of farmland to start our homestead. Some of the stressors post-teaching were financial related because the timing of us buying the land and me leaving my career was ill-planned. 

Nevertheless, the land was the biggest blessing for me. I focused all of my fear and anxiety on the land. I threw myself into learning new skills. I made a lot of mistakes during our first year homesteading, and those mistakes helped me build back my mental resilience. 

I learned that I am adaptable, strategic, intelligent, and more than capable. And I learned that in the uncertain world we live in, our 10-acre commune will be a bastion against the world’s cruelty.

The only thing I would’ve done differently is to prepare my finances earlier so we weren’t facing so much financial hardship.

What, if anything, could have kept you in the classroom? What, if anything, could ever lure you back?

Nothing could’ve kept me in the classroom. Not even an increase in pay. Nothing will ever lure me back either. 

I do not regret my 10 years of teaching.  My husband devoted 10 years in the military and when I left teaching, he said, “A soldier and a teacher—we did our time. We are done.”

I did my public service. Now I want to go live fat and happy with my commune full of friends, family, animals, and home-grown food.  

What advice, tips or wisdom do you have to share with current teachers considering a career transition into your current field? Is there anything in specific you wish you’d known or prepared for?

Do it.  

Frito Lay is not a perfect company (no company is). But the job market is crazy and if you pigeonhole yourself into a job/career field because you have your heart set on it, you may miss out on other opportunities. I took the job with Frito Lay because they were the only ones to offer me one after 5 - 7 months of looking.  

There’s nothing I needed to know about the job that I didn't learn through their paid training. In fact, I saw how a company does onboarding and I found it fascinating. My “training” as a first-year teacher was having a teacher mentor who would check in on me once a month. My training at Frito Lay was comprehensive and I felt confident that I could do my job well.

Working in a blue-collar job as a woman is empowering. I am physically more present in my body because I am active and moving. I’ve lost weight, gained strength, and I’m no longer disconnecting from life and the world. 

Also, driving a 20’ box truck has given me a certain credibility among the other delivery drivers.  I’ve had a couple of men (politely) compliment how it is good to see women working at Frito Lay.