I Get To Help Parents In A Way I Never Could In The School System

Leaving Teaching is a reader-funded publication—which means no ads, no courses to buy, no gate-keeping of information. But it takes all of us to keep this going. If you find value in what you read here, consider supporting this work. It costs less than a cup of coffee and will keep posts like this coming to your inbox.

I hear from a lot of special education teachers who are wondering how else they can use their skills outside of the classroom. One great way is as an educational advocate. I was grateful to sit down with Valerie and chat about her journey. This is only a portion of our interview. We talked for a full hour and a half, and probably could have kept going! I would be absolutely thrilled to have Valerie as an advocate for my child. Thank you, Valerie!

Introduce yourself! Tell us your name, location, what you taught and for how long, and what you’re doing now.

I'm Valerie Grant, and I’m an educational advocate living in Ohio.

I was a special education teacher for 15 years. I started in 2000, in San Jose, California, and I did two years in Washington State. I taught middle and high school, and also at an alternative education school. My last year, I did a little instructional coaching as well. 

I was a vice principal for one year at a really big junior high, 1300 kids. At that school, I got experience as the 504 coordinator, as well as overseeing the different special education programs. That was overwhelming. It was hard to do a good job and people really did hate you. You had to make really difficult decisions, and people got mad. I did not like that. 

After that I went back to the classroom and decided, “No, I don't want to do that.” The director of special education tapped me and said, “Hey, would you interview for a coordinator position for the district?” And that was a fantastic opportunity. My boss was amazing. She was the kindest person I've ever worked for, and she taught me a lot about how to always assume the best in people. 

I got to do that job of coordinator for special education for two years… It was fantastic. I got to work with incredible people. My favorite things were when we had a really good outcome for a family, when we were able to put the right supports in place, and when teams really came together with the family.  

I loved it, but I was super burned out after two years. It's just such an insurmountable job; there's no winning at the end of the day. I decided I needed to step away. 

So I did 18 years total in education. The typical tenure for a special education teacher when I started, was two to three years [currently SPED teachers have a 75% attrition rate within ten years] and I made it 15. So I felt really good about that.

What did you do when you first left education? 

[My family] was in the Bay Area. When you're in a big metropolitan area, it can be really overwhelming. There's so much energy, and a lot of people. I had seen when I was a teacher how big the class sizes were. They were huge… I didn't want my kids to have that kind of educational journey.

So my ex-husband and I literally sold our house and then traveled the country. We did, like, 13 states. It was a good opportunity for my kids. And then we plunked down in Ohio and moved to where we are now. 

The schools are such a different vibe. I went to back-to-school night, and I was taking pictures for my teacher friends back in California, and I was like, “Look, new furniture!” I never saw new furniture in California.

When you moved to Ohio, did you consider going back into the classroom? 

No. Do I miss the classroom? Yes. Do I miss seeing students' eyes brighten when they're so excited that they just understood something? I do miss that. 

I do not miss the caseloads as a special education teacher. They were way too high. It was hard to do an effective job. I don't miss the challenges that I had as a special education teacher working with general education teachers. Certain teachers were so oppositional to having students with learning disabilities in their classrooms, and after 15 years of it, it got exhausting. 

I'm a big, big proponent of inclusion. I was really lucky in that I worked in districts that followed the research and [had a lot of] structure and supports in place. But there wasn't the staffing to make inclusion work the way it’s talked about in the zeitgeist. I think people think they understand inclusion but they don't. It's really a lot of work. 

I'm also a mom of three kids. I was missing out on a lot of my own kids’ time because I was doing so much for other people's children. It just became overwhelming. 

I will also say, having done administration, I got such a different perspective of what's happening in schools, and I couldn't unsee it. The reality of the fiscal constraints of a school district was tough to see and understand. Like knowing that we had such fantastic people, but they couldn't do more because they had such big caseloads. I don't think the school district was doing anything wrong. School districts just don't have the resources, because there's a finite amount of money. 

I think the reason I don't want to go back is—I'll say the quiet part out loud—I do think the school system is a little broken. If you take a picture of a school right now and compare it to a classroom 100 years ago, I would respectfully argue the only difference is that you'll see Chromebooks. 

I don't think that's enough of a change. We know what works, because there are countries like Finland doing education very, very effectively. But I think it would cause a systematic change that I don't know anybody wants to stand up and do, or knows how to do, because parents are gone for eight hours. If you go to Finland's model of a five-hour day [for parents] when their kids are little—how do you do that here? 

Totally. It's not a mystery how to fix our education system. All the research is there… So what did that first year out of education once you were settled in Ohio?

I went and worked at a nonprofit that handled organ donation. I was the manager of two different teams. One team did education for hospital staff. So that was totally my jam; I felt really comfortable in that. 

The other team I managed did discussions with families about organ donation, how it’s a potential opportunity for your loved one to give. And that was very, very different. I did that for four years, and then I had life changes, so I could no longer show up the way I needed to show up for that job. 

After I left, I realized I missed education more than I thought I would. I thought about what I liked the most in education and, I'll be honest, what I got in trouble for the most, and it was educating families about the special education process, their rights and what they could do or how they might want to say something a little differently. 

In San Jose, there was an organization called Parents Helping Parents that I would refer families to all the time. It was an organization to help families going through the special education process to understand more of it. It offered free like Saturday sessions I don't know if they were free or a low cost. And they did a great job. 

So I thought, “What if I could do that? I know what special education is on the inside. I can advocate for it on the outside.” I talked to a person locally, who helped me set up a website and an LLC. 

The first year was pretty rocky. It was hard because there's so much stuff that you have to figure out when you're your own business owner. Like, insurance. How do you do taxes? How do you set up a website? How do you advertise?

That’s a great question: how do you advertise?

I do a lot on TikTok, which I think is funny because I'm clearly not the TikTok age demographic. But I like it. The cool thing with TikTok was it helped me meet other advocates. I have two other advocates who I meet with weekly just to check in. It’s a way for us to confidentially ask for some advice, because one of them has way more of a behavior background than I do, and then I have the administrative background. So we talk about that. 

For me, the best part of teaching was being able to talk to other teachers. So like, when you have your grade level team meetings, and you get ideas from each other. That, to me, is something that was missing, and trying to do this on my own.

It's tricky because I work with districts that I'm not familiar with. Because I get a lot of clients through TikTok, I work with people from Oregon to Washington to Rhode Island, all over the country. Understanding their different policies has been interesting, but really satisfying. 

I'm not gonna lie, my favorite is when people write to me on TikTok and say, “Hey, I did what you said, and my child's IEP is better now,” or, “My child's IEP is meeting their needs, or, “I did what you said and we had such a better meeting.” That is awesome. 

But it doesn't earn me any money, so I've gotta figure out that part a little bit more. I have been applying to grants. Because I'm happy to give free information, but I do have children who want to eat three times a day, so I've got to figure that part out too. 

I totally relate to that, with my newsletter. So what is like a typical day like? 

I don't have a typical day. I would say in a typical week, I probably have a few introductory calls where people have found me on TikTok, or they've gotten a referral from somebody else. I do 30-minute introductory calls, where people can call and just tell me what's going on, and I give them some ideas, and then I tell them at the end, “This is what it would cost for us to start working together.” 

And that's evolved over time as well. I used to offer a package, but that was weird, because sometimes they needed way more than what I initially thought, and then it felt awkward to go back and be like, “We got to change this pricing.” Now I just do a document review, and then I can give advice after that, like, “Here's how much I think we're going to need to work together.” 

I'm a really big fan of giving parents as much information as I can. I love to write, and so I have a blog, and it has different categories that parents can look at. I’m always making sure that I'm writing relevant and appropriate posts for families. My TikTok has been hands-down the most successful thing I've done. I think parents have gotten the most help from that. 

That's fun, but it's a lot of work. People don't realize how much time these things actually take because, again, I don't want to put out information that's wrong. Because I've been a teacher, I have a much higher standard, because I understand what it means if I say something wrong. If a family goes in and says something wrong, then they've lost a little credibility with their team, and the team looks at them differently, and I don't ever want that to happen. I want them to go in with accurate information. So there's definitely research and information gathering that's happening. 

So in a typical week, I'll also have parent prep calls if they have a meeting coming up. I try to prepare a family the day before the meeting. So as any teacher who's looking at this would know, you make a plan and do an IEP meeting, and then there might be another meeting scheduled for six weeks out to see how that's all working, especially if it's behavior stuff. And so I'll meet with the family, typically halfway through, and we just have a 30-minute check-in. “How are things going? Oh, okay. They're not going great.” And so then I’m saying, “I need you to send me the emails. I need you to send me this.” If I'm doing a document review, I’m reviewing a few years' worth of documentation. Sometimes families have outside reports, so I’m putting all that together. 

And then there’s the billing, figuring out billing system, creating your workflow—all these things you don't do as a teacher, but that you have to do if you have your own business. I do a checklist. I don't know if that's because I was a special education teacher and we had checklists, but I think it's really easy to forget a piece that I need to do if I don't have a checklist.

And then Fridays, I have a client wrap-up, where I enter information on my own Google Spreadsheets. I have formulas built in so I can see what I was supposed to do and what I did. So just keeping my own checks and balances. Because when you're a one-woman show or a one-person show, there's got to be some way to keep accountability.

What advice, tips or insights would you give someone who's currently a teacher and interested in transitioning into being an advocate?

I think talking to advocates is a good start. Talk to a couple who you respect and you think they're doing a good job. You can find a lot of them on TikTok. I've definitely talked to some teachers who were interested in it. I've also talked to speech language pathologists who are interested in becoming advocates who found me on TikTok, and I'm happy to talk to them. 

The reality of being an entrepreneur is something I was not prepared for. I'm on top of everything for my clients, but when it comes to the hustle of getting out a few blog posts a week, or making sure that I'm doing my social media the way I should–when you only have yourself to answer to, I think it's really hard. 

I think being a teacher-turned-advocate is like a secret superpower. Most advocates are not former teachers. A ton of them are parents who had children with IEPs and then became advocates and did some learning. So I bring different knowledge to the table. Like, if I'm sitting in a meeting for a middle schooler who has a specific learning disability, and the team is like, “There's nothing else we can try,” I can say, “Well, why have we tried A or B?” And then they'll say, “Oh, okay, that's a good idea.” But I only know that because I taught. 

The other thing that I think is great, having been a teacher, I'll be very candid with families and say, “I don't think that's a reasonable request to ask from the team.” I don't like five billion accommodations, and I think it's overwhelming to general education teachers, and I don't think it's fair. We want to make sure that we’re getting the right accommodations, but also that they're specific. So I think a nice piece that I bring to the table is just that reality check of, “What can we actually do?” 

I really explained to families that it's going to take a long time. Nothing goes fast. It's like a chess match, right? Not a chess master in an adversarial way, but just like, there's moves and counter moves. So be ready for that. 

I think sometimes parents get really upset, and they're like, “They said ‘no’ to this,” and I'm like, “They need more data. That's okay. We're going to come back to the table and see what they say in a month.” So helping them realize it's not just about winning, but, “How do we do this together?” 

I don't think it's about winning. I think it's about, “Let's get Johnny what Johnny needs so that Johnny can access these educational opportunities. How do we do that collaboratively?” 

There are some advocates who are way more adversarial. Because I was a teacher, I think there's nuance in education. Yes, there's black-and-white to the laws that have to be followed, but there's a lot of room for creativity in an IEP. I love the innovation that you get to do as a teacher or as an IEP team to make it work for Johnny. It’s is pretty cool.

That's the other thing–I'm incredibly collaborative. So I tell parents right away, “I'm very collaborative.” Because not everybody's looking for that, and that's okay, but then I'm not your advocate. I’ve learned to be confident in myself and know that certain families I'm not going to be the right match for. Just like as a teacher, there were times that, wow, I was not a great match for a student. It's not a reflection of me or the student. We tried our best. But if I'm not the right match, I won't say, “Yes, I'll be your advocate.”

Are there any other challenges that you think someone should know before pursuing this path as an advocate?

If we’re being super honest, being very aware of what your income will probably be the first few years. When people have reached out to me, I've said, “It's not a full salary yet for me.” I have to do other things to stack it, like the collaborative program with other advocates. 

There are people probably who made a full salary their first year, but I'm a mom of three, and I don't want to work like a 12 or 14-hour day. That's not something I can do right now and at this season of my life. So I think being aware of where you're at in your season of life is really important. 

And then I think knowing, “Okay, you're an advocate, but what else would you like to do?” For me personally, I don't want to just do advocacy. I want to do other things too. I've done training for a company as part of their wellness program. That was awesome. I'm looking to do more of that. So getting creative, just like you have to as a teacher. All the advocates who I really respect are pretty creative on how they're doing income stacking to make it work. 

But the thing that I really like about it is being able to truly educate parents the way I wanted to when I was still in the education world. It's been incredibly satisfying knowing that when I'm done with a client, their child is receiving the services they need. 

Also, don't try to do it all by yourself. As teachers, we do everything on our own. You just have to. Your door is shut and you have to make it work. And so coming out of that and figuring out, “Oh, I need to create community” is really important. Finding community is so so important because it's isolating. So I give myself that; I have time each week set aside for reaching out to people. Just making sure that you have people that you can connect with is so, so important. 

Do I know I'll do this forever? I don't know. Paying for your own health insurance, paying for business insurance, doing all the legal stuff—it's a lot. I don't know if I’ll do this forever, but I sure enjoy the families I get to work with. I enjoy learning how they're navigating the system. I enjoy learning how they're parenting their children who have sometimes very severe needs. It's really humbling that they chose and trusted me to help navigate them through this. And I really, really like that part of it. 

Here's a story, and I know the family will be okay with me sharing it because I shared it on TikTok, and they were so excited. Part of my prep is giving families the confidence to advocate for their child. Like, I sit there, I'm in the meeting, I'm the advocate, but I tell them, “You want to do most of this, because at some point I'll phase out.” That's the goal, right? 

And so I was sitting in a meeting. Part of the IEP process is, “Did we discuss the strengths of your child?” And the IEP team at the school said, “Yes.” And then they looked at me and the parents, and I said, “I don't think so. I think it's in the IEP document, but I don't think it was discussed today.” 

And the mom sat up straight, looked right at the teacher and said, “Can you share some strengths that you see in my child?” And the teacher took a breath, and she shared three fantastic things about the kiddo that had not been shared. 

That was the best part of the whole meeting. Because then everybody in that meeting was reminded, “Does this child have some challenges right now? Yes, but this child has some incredible strengths, and we need to capitalize on them.” And it wouldn't have been said if that mom didn't feel confident enough to say, “I need you to say something great about my kiddo.” 

That's the stuff that I love. I get to do that for parents now in a way that, in the school system, I didn't get to do. I love making parents realize that you can be so collaborative and get what's needed for your child. 

You can find Valerie’s services here and her famed TikTok here.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Are you a subscriber? Don’t forget to earn your stickers! Send this newsletter to a friend.